I have had a recurring theme in my life lately. I think feelings have been brought up by a wedding, a couple of other special occasions, and GASP about 5kg of additional junk in my trunk. It may be more…. but who’s measuring, right? Obviously not me… (cough cough). There are some SERIOUS problems to be had on the road for ladies who want to get dolled up occasionally. I have said to Karl on more than one occasion in recent weeks that I feel like a bush pig. All I get is a blank look with “I think you look fine”. So I’m reaching out to my lady friends to get some much needed nods of sympathy. If you are a travelling lady friend, you get extra points for sympathy given, because you HEAR me sisters!!
First of all, let’s start with clothes. I shop at the op-shop mostly, which I don’t mind at all. You can find some pretty cool stuff. I think the problem is way tooo much cool stuff. This morning I decided to clean out my wardrobe, because once again it was catching in the rollers on Karl’s side (he only gets one shelf, I get a whole section) and he was about ready to throw everything I own and feed it to the tip birds. Instead, in the sweetest voice possible (through clenched teeth), he said “Honey…. I think that long flowy dress you bought is stopping me from opening my cupboard….. again…..”
So in I went with my shovel, mask and protective equipment, and a heart of steel, ready to tackle the disgusting mess of my clothes cupboard. To be brutal and throw things away. But you know what the problem is? When you live in a tiny home on wheels, there is no room to hold onto clothes from…. ummmm may I say….. “leaner” times! My brain says “Maybe I’ll get into these awesome jeans again. At the moment they make my waist look like the part of a sausage where it joins in to the next one, but once they looked sleek and awesome, and I’ll get back there. Soon. Right?” BUT there is no sneaky corner to shove them in to! Nothing! Nada!
In my head I am still my sleek size 10 self (or only a couple of weeks of strict eating from it), but in my body something completely different is going on, and all of my long time faves are just not fitting like they should! But they are too loved and too good to be given away, so what is a girl to do?? Go op-shopping, buy more “temporary” (yes….. temporary….) clothes and hope for the best of course! Shove them in, close the door quickly and accept the next time you open it an avalanche will hit you in the face.
Don’t even get me started on time or means to do my make-up or hair. I tend to go MONTHS between hair appointments (last appointment I asked for “lived in” colour which is now actually a thing, but the hairdresser looked at me like “honey, I don’t know how your colour could be any more lived in.”). My facial hair is out of control. My eyebrows look like they are eager to meet the hair on my scalp for a street party. I think I even have a stray chin hair. My skin suffers from the constantly changing water (that’s my story and I’m sticking to it…. ooh is that chocolate??) Altogether, I am a mess.
Most days, I don’t care. But some days I do…. and so when things aren’t working for me, like last week when I pulled out the hair straightener, blew off the dust and tried to make a semblance of “I went to some effort” out of this mane, (only I ended up looking like the beast when they do him up for the ball. I looked…… stoopid). Well that’s when the ugly tears start. You know the crying I am talking about… snot flying everywhere, make up a mess, face contorted like you are possessed by a gremlin. Karl looks at me with pure fear on his face. He has seen this before and it never goes well.
And ridiculous exaggerated sayings come out of my mouth, from deep down, well I actually don’t know from where! “I look like the hulk! I NEVER look good! I hate travelling! I AM A BUSH PIG!!! I NEVER get time for me!” That last one cracks me up when I calm down and reflect, because I think really a lot of my time is for me… I just spend a lot of it not caring what I look like, and then when it does hit me that maybe I’ve fallen behind on the game “a little”, the dam wall breaks and it is a DISASTER!!! Don’t you understand??
So if you are about to hit the road travelling, be prepared. I am warning you, because I wasn’t hugely invested in my personal upkeep before we left, but I still find it difficult at times on the road. So if you are a regular appointment kind of girl, you may struggle more than me. And if you already travel, I guess I just want to know that I’m not crazy? Am I??? AM IIIIII???????